A woman on Reddit has been supported for choosing to have a child-free wedding after various friends complained. In a post to the AmItheA****** subreddit, user AdCharacter3921 explains that at her sister’s wedding the previous summer, four families decided to ignore the no-child rule and brought them anyway.
This resulted in children screaming throughout the ceremony, issues with extra places for the children at the reception and an almost ruined wedding cake.
What happened at her sister’s wedding led this bride to not invite the four families to her own wedding this coming May.
“We did not invite these families to our wedding,” she explains, “We have a Facebook group for the wedding for people to share pictures and memories that we might put in the wedding video. They found out about the group and posted to my personal page about being excluded and asking why we are not inviting them.”
She then posted receipts from her sister’s wedding, a video of a child crying during the ceremony and another video of a child “freaking out because he had to share trout for supper.”
Other guests then started supporting her, with one referencing an incident where one parent changed their child’s diaper on the table with the guestbook “because the closest bathroom did not have a baby station.”
She explains that the guests are now calling her an a****** “for embarrassing them for having children and wanting to be part of family events.”
Newsweek spoke to Zoe Burke, wedding expert and editor of Hitched.co.uk, about how to have a child-free wedding.
1. Why might someone want a child-free wedding?
“Weddings are such a personal affair, and so if the couple doesn’t want their big day to include children, then that’s absolutely their decision. Having children at your wedding totally changes the dynamic of the day and throws up a lot of other considerations, such as children’s meals, additional entertainment and contingency plans for if they are disruptive during the speeches and ceremony, etc.
“Not everyone is going to be okay with babies or young children screaming during their celebrations, there may not always be a catering option for children, and not all venues will have those specific facilities either.
“It’s also quite a lot to ask of a young child to sit through a wedding day—there’s a lot of sitting quietly and still which isn’t really a kid’s favorite thing to do, so I think lots of people decide to take the option away to avoid having to keep little ones entertained and occupied.
2. Why might someone be offended that a wedding is child-free?
“Generally, parents really like their own children and find it hard to believe that other people might not want them at their wedding—they are probably excited at the prospect of a family day out together! It’s perfectly normal for parents to be disappointed that their children are not welcome somewhere as special and intimate as a wedding, but being offended by it is dramatic.
“Unless other children are invited and certain children aren’t invited, there’s no reason to take it personally that the wedding is child-free. And if it really is so offensive, no one is forcing anyone to attend!
3. What’s the best way to break the news to invitees?
“The best way to tell guests that the wedding is child-free or that plus ones are not welcome, is on the invites. Sending these out with plenty of notice for parents to make child-care arrangements is the most polite way to get the news across without causing any unnecessary disappointment.
4. Do you think the writer was correct in this situation?
“The Redditor in this case has done the exact right thing and made sure that the invitations have been sent out with enough notice on them for people to arrange babysitting solutions for their children, and has also simply chosen not to invite certain people who they know have previously caused issues at another wedding. They have made their choices clear to their guests, and do not owe anyone an explanation as to why others were not invited.
5. What should someone do if someone complains about a child-free wedding?
“I’d apologize for making them feel so upset, but explain again the reasons why no children are invited, and then I would say that I understood if that meant that they also couldn’t make the wedding.”
What Does Reddit Think?
With nearly 14,000 upvotes, Reddit voted the OP not the a******.
User ScifiGirl1986 said: “I can’t believe the sister allowed them to even stay. I was MOH at my cousin’s wedding and if someone did this, I would have gathered the other bridesmaids and kicked them out as discreetly as possible.”
Little-Martha31204 agreed: “They tried to call you out publicly for making a decision about YOUR wedding, and you just met them where they were. They sound horrible, no wonder you don’t want them at your wedding.”
Hagaroo48 went against the grain and commented: “If it’s child-free, it’s not a wedding, it’s just some niche party. Shame on you.”
Newsweek has reached out to for comment.
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